how to deal with losing a friend?

These days i thought a lot about my realtion to others.

Am i a nice girl? Do other girls want to be friends with me? 

I only have a selective amount of friends that i meet outside of university. Now one of my closest friends moved to miami and one stopped talking to me (i still dont know the reason, but i guess its because of her new boyfriend).

So i now have 2 friends here in germany that i meet almost every day because we live in the same student dorm ^_^; and one who lives in Bonn, so we dont meet often, but we chat every 1-2 weeks.

Another friend (now not a friend anymore), came to my parents house a few days ago and said very mean things to me. like, i was an arrogant bitch, and that i will be all alone one day because of my nasty and stupid attitude. He talked about my other friend who stopped talking to me, and said it's all my fault. He was angry, because i accused him of lying to me about my ex-bf, he obiviously did, very simple to prove.
i dont like to be lied on, but i told him before i´m not angry about this and to lets just forget about it. But then he attacked me, without warning he came over to insult me. 

I was so shocked i immediatly kicked him out of the house. He then said we are no longer friends. i only replied "fine, and now please leave my house". 

This day i`ve lost a friend again.

So i seriously have to think about my own attitude towards other people. 

This one friend who stopped talking to me once told me i´m a self-centered, arrogant person. It's true that i like talking and i like to be in the center of attention, but i listen to my friends as well, and i´m always honest and i try to give them advice when they ask me about my opinion. 
When she needed me as a friend, i was always standing beside her, she slept over at my place when she felt lonely and sad and i always tried to be a good friend and comfort her.
(i feel like i have to explain myself x.x )

Am i really that bad? I dont want to be a bad person and i DO care about what others think about me ~__~

i live in constant fear that I'll say (too much or) something that makes people think I'm weird or make them dislike me.



I admit that i dont like most of the people i get to know. Honestly... i dont know why.... but i know that i´m not an "easy to be with"-person either. 

But why do i lose my friends? And why is it so hard for me to find new (true) ones? 

Maybe i´m not nice enough, not gentle enough. My mum often tells me to be more gentle, she says that a "dragon" like me will never find a husband.

I will really try to improve my personlity and to be more friendly. fighting!!! 加油~~

but i came to the conclusion that i already have nice friends who love me for who i am! and that is most important in this world! i will concentrate on being nicer to the ones who love me!


  - I dont want you to love me, IF YOU DONT WANNA LOVE ME FOR ME -



.... i still worry a bit... how am i going to survive in my future working environments? 

and i really miss my friend Miss-K-SuperLuv...